I may work in fashion, but that doesn’t mean I’m a dedicated follower of it. Having reached the ripe old age of forty, I understand that it’s far more beneficial to stick to what suits me and what I will be able to walk in than to sign up to the season’s biggest trends. I know what I like and what I don’t. Breton stripes: like. Heels higher than one inch: dislike. Adidas Gazelles: like like like. (Side note – The Kinks: like).

Louis Vuitton

Stella McCartney

Alexander McQueen

Left to right: Louis Vuitton; Alexander McQueen; Stella McCartney

I’ve just got back from Milan Fashion Week and if there was one thing all the peacocks were wearing for their street style shots, it was Dad Trainers. There were more on the catwalks too at Gucci, and on Saturday, I’m off to the capital of Dad Trainer inception – Paris – so I expect to see even more on offer for next season (I already spied some today on Instagram at Maison Margiela). I don’t need to express in words how I feel about Dad Trainers, because this illustration does it perfectly for me (NB – most of the comments under this picture opted for option 4).

Illustration by @larolagosat via @sneakersmag/Instagram

But in case you are curious, here are the many and varied ways in which I hate the Dad Trainer trend, and why.

1. They would look ridiculous on me

Fact.

2. They also look at bit like those weird MBT trainers

Which were never a style choice, lets face it, but if they help with your posture and bad back, go for your life. MBTs are cheaper than most Dad Trainers, might actually do you some good, and have probably never been as on trend.

3. They are REALLY EXPENSIVE

Anything from £300 to nearly £800. I don’t understand why you would spend a fortune on ugly fashion trainers when bog standard sports brands ALWAYS look better and only set you back sixty quid.

4. I’m rarely a fan of any kind of futuristic footwear

Give me retro any day.

5. They will go out of fashion almost immediately

In fact, are they over already? (Please say they are over already!)

6. I would feel like a massive mug if I bought into this trend

How much are you really willing to pay to look ridiculous? See also The Matrix sunglasses – another designer trend driving me mad this season.

7. Many of these designs could almost be classed as high heels

And you all know how I feel about that.

8. And no, before you ask…

…I never liked Buffalos either.

9. People who wear Dad Trainers often wear them with ironic sports socks and a long floral dress

I’m not going to do that.

10. I’ve *probably* got enough pairs of shoes as it is

I really don’t need another pair, especially a pair I don’t actually like.

11. Why is the fashion world even calling this trend Dad Trainers?

My dad might be partial to a pair of Crocs, but he wouldn’t be seen dead in a pair of Balenciaga Triple S (he was more of an adidas Jeans guy in the Seventies, I’m proud to say).

This is just my opinion, of course. Fashion should always be fun (you definitely need a decent sense of humour to wear those Louis Vuitton kicks!) and how any person chooses to dress is totally their choice. It just so happens that I will definitely not be choosing to dress like this. I will not be swayed. Remember how I never grew to love Crocs just because Christopher Kane said I should? Yeah, that, all over again.

Anyway, I’d love to know what you think of Dad Trainers – leave me some comments below!