Wedge trainers are back: WTF?!

Well here’s a different kind of blog post for you. I thought I’d write something less about shopping and more about not shopping. About something that really gets my goat: wedge trainers. Ugh.

(And all of this in spite of the fact that, somewhat ironically, one of my favourite songs of all time is High Heeled Sneakers by Tommy Tucker. What bad luck)

I never liked wedge trainers when they first reared their ugly head about ten years ago. It was the designer Isabel Marant’s fault, in case you were wondering who to blame. Damn you, Isabel Marant. There’s so much to hate about wedge trainers – I hate them so much I can’t even bring myself to put a picture of a pair on this post (which is why there’s a picture of some lovely, totally not wedgy, adidas NMDs at the top of the page). Anyway, where do I even start?!

Well, first off, they’re meant to be trainers. The clue’s in the name; you should be able to train in them. They are meant to be comfortable. They are meant to be sporty. If you want to do trainers, do trainers properly for heaven’s sake. They are not trainers if you can’t run in them and they’re uncomfortable. Wedges are 100% uncomfortable.

Second, they look awful. They have this weird effect of making your feet look tiny. Like little hooves. Unless you have unusually large feet, I doubt this is the look you are going for.

Third, and take heed of this one, some of them are so sneaky that they stealthily come to you branded as a ‘concealed’ or ‘hidden’ wedge. Sometimes this is so concealed, particularly if you are buying online, that they don’t even mention the concealed wedge (LIARS!) and you don’t know there’s a wedge at all until they arrive and you get them out of the box. At which point you think they look weird and that they’ve sent you a pair a couple of sizes too small, try them on, and have the horrible realisation that you have accidentally bought a pair of heels even though you write a blog about the fact that you don’t wear heels. True story.

Why am I telling you all this? Because on a recent trip to west London I spied a few pairs on the street, that’s why (thankfully they have given south east London a miss so far). And on further investigation I can confirm that wedge trainers are back. They’re in the shops, they’re on the streets, and they are offending me. The only wedge trainers I will sanction are ones like these below, which I’ve seen described as having a wedge, but are clearly not wedges, and so are absolutely fine. In fact, they’re bloody lovely.

Anyway. That’s me done. Rant over. As you were.

nike-air-max

Nike Air Max, £115, offspring.co.uk

veja-trainers

Veja SDU, £79.99, zalando.co.uk

adidas-nmd

adidas NMD, £99.95, adidas.co.uk

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